I’ve really missed writing about my days and the letting of thoughts tumble out of my head and onto a blank page. It’s rather therapeutic, grounding, and it encourages me to pay more attention.
I seem to have found myself in a really obvious change of life and it feels right to document it in some way. Back in January we faced a terrifying uncertainty and weren’t sure what the next step was going to be, or where. We were forced to leave the safe haven that had been my peace and soul nurturer for 13 years, and we moved 250 miles away to a place unknown.
It broke my heart.
But now, 5 months into our life here in our new home, and I realise that once again the universe knew exactly what she was doing, and I’m ready to start living life again rather than simply surviving.
This new chapter looks very different to the last.
No smallholding, no goats, no chickens, no ducks.
No isolation and remoteness. No 20 mile round trip to the nearest store. We now have one just right next door!
My days look very different.
No longer is my time and routine tethered to animal chores and responsibility. No more is the before dusk shut in and the need to be home. No more constant refreshing of buckets in exhaustingly hot weather, or repeated breaking of ice during cold spells.
And only now that it is lifted do I notice the weight that was ensuring all animals in my care were safe, well tended to, unable to escape, healthy and not stolen. I didn’t realise just how on alert I was at all times, day and night, watching for unusual behaviour and listening out for unusual sounds or signal, even in the dark.
But now what? What do I do now? I have a greater freedom but I’m not sure how to find my way.
I’m 51, my children are growing, my husband is working, and I’m here, trying to figure out my next move on this game of life complete with undiagnosed AuDHD revelations, 40 years of migraine struggles, larger than ever clothes sizes, no friends here, and a burning desire to make changes.
Let the documenting begin.
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